Switch (USA, 1991)

Switch is a 1991 comedy about a terrible man, Steve Brooks (Perry King), who gets killed by three of his ex-girlfriends for being such a shit, and then is reincarnated by God so he can make a case for himself to get into heaven. He has to do this by returning to earth as a woman, and finding one (1) woman who likes him.

switch

Reincarnated Steve decides to introduce himself as Steve’s half-sister Amanda Brooks (Ellen Barkin), who manspreads in adorable early 90s high fashion outfits, tries to figure out her sexuality (difficult as Steve likes women but hates gays), and gets into many fights.

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Anil Kapoor/Govinda double bill 1: Awaargi (India, 1990)

Awaargi is an excellent movie, restrained and realistic in tone and substance, but with enough masala insanity to make it fun.

Meenakshi is saved from a career in forced prostitution by a tender-hearted goon, Anil Kapoor. She then meets popular singer and dancer Govinda, and they form a performing duo together to much success.

Both Anil and Govinda fall in love with her, and this makes Anil want to settle down and give up his goon job, which his don does not approve of. Who will Meenakshi choose?

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Possessed (USA, 1947)

Happy new year! Enjoy this review of a super depressing film.

Attention women (especially OLD ones, ew)! If you bother a man with your disgusting, hysterical emotions, you will:

1. make the man you love leave you (for a younger, hotter, less demanding woman of course)
2. alienate your husband and stepdaughter
3. make the man you love hit you
4. kill at least one person
5. go insane

possessed1

Possessed is the story of a vulnerable middle aged woman, Louise (Joan Crawford), who falls in love with a condescending bastard, David (Van Heflin)- who by his own admission “seldom hits a woman”- and drives him away with her unreasonable request for commitment.

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Lights of Old Broadway (USA, 1925)

Il Cinema Ritrovato had a focus on early colour film this year. Early colour film is one of my favourite things so I tried to watch as many as possible. Lights Of Old Broadway was part of this programme.

lights of old broadway

It starts with a set-up I know well from Bollywood movies: two twin girls, found orphaned on a ship sailing towards the US, are separated and given to two very different foster families. One (goody goody brunette Anne) goes with the rich New Yorkers the de Rhonde’s and one (messy blonde Fely) goes with the poor Irish immigrants the O’Tandy’s.

Turns out Anne’s family own the slum Fely’s messy and violent Irish family live in and want to turn them out. BUT at the same time Anne’s brother falls in love with Fely. Will everything work out?

Yes.

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Operazione Paura (Italy, 1966)

Operazione Paura is about a small village in Europe somewhere (Germany?) in Edwardian times, which suffers from a series of unexplained murders. Our great white hero, Paul, who is serving Johnny Halliday teddyboy realness throughout the film, is called there to perform an autopsy at the behest of the chief of police.

The villagers claim the murders are committed by the vengeful spirit of a little girl, and resist Paul’s and the police’s efforts to solve them with SCIENCE and REASON. Instead, they  call in the help of a local witch who uses weird S&M-y rituals to protect them. Paul and his local helper Monica, a returned villager who had left to study medicine in the city, are disgusted by this attitude and doggedly continue to drag the village into the 20th century and debunk their belief in witchcraft and the supernatural.

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5 Weddings (India, 2018)

I’d been looking forward to this movie since the trailers came out ages ago. This was partly because it stars Rajkummar Rao and Bo Derek, a combination of actors straight out of my erotic fever dreams, and partly because the trailer made so little sense I didn’t understand the basic premise even after watching it several times.

So I went to see this on its first night, and because my local theatre also ended up being the only one in the country to show it, there we were at the NATIONAL PREMIERE of this thing.

What I was expecting was something pretty but superficial and badly made about a Westernised NRI learning to appreciate India and her roots through weddings.

What I got was basically the opposite, aside from it still being pretty badly made.

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Hadh Kar Di Aapne (India, 2000)

I was really looking forward to this movie, partly because of the songs which are all great and partly because Rani/Govinda are one of my favourite jodis. But this was nothing but a let-down.

Here’s the scale I use to determine the quality of a Govinda movie:

  • Govinda is one of the best things in the movie
  • Govinda is the best thing in the movie
  • Govinda is the only good thing in the movie
  • Govinda is the only bearable thing in the movie
  • Not even Govinda is bearable in the movie

Not many make it all the way to the bottom category, but this is one of them.

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